Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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