My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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