I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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