my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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