im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
