I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
