Christians are straight up FREAKS
My cat gives me a boner
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
