Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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