"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
