he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
