Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
