i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
