The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
