I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
