8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
3pm strippers are depressing
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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