Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
