i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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