I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
