this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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