I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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