so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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