can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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