I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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