are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize