don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
