No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
