dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
