i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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