The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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