im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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