Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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