I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
