Define "chronic" masturbator.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
