Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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