she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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