im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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