I looked at my own cervix.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
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I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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