I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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