saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
