i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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