i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
