he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
