Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I did not marry a roomba.
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