Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
