how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
