he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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