Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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