By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
