it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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