you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
People in love make me want to vomit
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
