How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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