you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
