Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize