I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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