people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
