I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
