Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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