my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
ttyl tear gas
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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