i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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