I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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