hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
