you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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