were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
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she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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