living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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