Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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