So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
