Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
