Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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