I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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