are you so shy because you have an std?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
