was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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