Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
