his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
