I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
