So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
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