Sponge bath it is.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
