You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
