he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
