I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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