So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
