I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
