I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
